She’s Tired and She’s Tired…

“Four Walled World”
Performed by Temple of the Dog-1991

Well she cried and she cried
All night to the sound of the freeway hum
And she swears she’ll be gone
When the sun hits the ground
And she ain’t coming back to my cellWell she’s tired and she’s tired
Of this life she’s been leading too long
And the time turns around
Through the walls that surround
To the chimes of a jailer’s song

In my four walled world

Well she tries and she tries
But my feet just won’t leave the ground
And I’m tired and I’m tired
Of this prisoner’s life, and these chains
That drag me down

In my four walled world

And now the sun is low
And these walls try to break my soul
And now the moon is full
And I won’t see nothing tonight
But the tears in her eyes and
My four walled world

Co-Written by Chris Cornell-R.I.P.

It is May.

My best friend passed away tragically at the age of twelve on May 31, 1981.

It was Memorial Day. It was a day I will never forget.

It has been many years since that tragic day, yet I still hurt as I did then.

That was the day I lost my innocence.

Innocence is often confused with virginity, but for me, innocence and virginity are definitely not the same thing.

My virginity was stolen from me in 1978.

My innocence was still intact.

Time heals all wounds but the scars remain…

I lost my innocence when I felt the pain caused by the death of my best friend.

The one and only funeral I have ever attended in my life was hers

It was surreal

To this day, I feel exactly as I did that day

The body was empty

a shell

She was not there, so why was everyone crying?

Oh God, I hurt.

Never had I felt that depth of pain

my heart hurt and I felt so cold inside.

Why not me?

Oh God, Why Not Me?

Many people I love have passed away since that day in May of 1981

Family members, friends, pets and personal heroes

Writers, Poets, Singers, Artists, Guitarists, Drummers, Junkies, Tweekers, Drunks.

Gone, but never forgotten

I have grieved the loss of them…alone

I have smiled remembering the times I was blessed to have shared with them

As the tears fill my eyes.

My sadness comes not from their passing

but from my knowing that I will never feel their touch, hear their voice, listen to the rhythm they created which touched a place inside of me…and they never knew how that changed me, made me feel, made me want to live.

They revived my spirit when I was without hope and made me who I am.

Melancholy May

Memories

Missing you and the love you shared

before you left for good.

Thank You.