49 Years

I have been alive for 49 years, as of today.

I am a miracle.

Why, you may ask, would I say that I am a miracle?

Here is your answer:

I should be dead.

The only explanation for why I am alive today is this…. I am a miracle.

I am a miracle!

I woke up this fine morning (that in itself is a miracle.)

I woke up in a nice warm bed, with a wonderful man and a phenomenal fur-kid next to me. I had a delicious cup of coffee, I smoked a blissful cigarette (Hey, I Love my Ciggies!) I put on my soft warm robe and my fuzzy slippers, walked out to the couch with my pillows and planted myself there.

That is where I am presently (and where I plan to spend the majority of my day).

After 48 years of struggle, of overcoming addiction and abuse (Free of these nasty bastards now), of battling Cancer twice (am now also free of that dis-ease) of loss, of self-sabotage etc…I figure I have earned the right to spend my 49th birthday on the couch.

Generally on my day of birth, I become extremely melancholy. I tend to wallow in my unfulfilled dreams or remember those who are no longer here…those I have loved and lost, or those who I have fucked over and made them leave…Today however, I am feeling comfortable. Strange feeling for me…One who has lived her entire 48 years stressed out, worried, frantic, etc. now is feeling…Comfortable. Wow!

Could it be that perhaps I have finally dealt with the demons that have haunted me throughout my life???

This is great! Ziggy is laying across my belly right now and is asleep after a brief butt licking session…Yes, I just wrote the words “Butt Licking”. That is something that my fur-kid does regularly and guess what? I love him with no conditions, the same way he loves me.

My boyfriend is getting ready to go to work, for that I am also grateful. I kind of like hanging out with myself these days. I am a pretty cool chick to hang with. The funny part of that is that I know myself very well and still feel that way!

There are still those who would call me a bitch or the “C” word and I appreciate them for their ignorant judgement of yours truly.

There was a time, not so long ago that such harsh opinions of me would have hurt me…Not today though. Today I am all cozy on the couch, Ziggy Dog draped across me hanging out with the coolest chick I know.

I am a miracle!

Happy Birthday!kuyh

jrd

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