Did you want me to answer that question truthfully, sir?
Yes, I expect you to answer me truthfully.
Are you sure about that, sir?
Ma’am, Stop Playing Games with me and Answer The Question!
Yes Sir, but I hope you have a few minutes, since you want an honest answer….
“Bitch, Dumb Cunt, Satan, Angel, Life Saver, Defender, Obstinate, Dope fiend, Honky, Druggie, User, Junkie, Dope Dealer, White Trash, Cracker, Criminal, Liar, Idiot, Fool, Stupid, Asshole, Mean, Cruel, Insensitive, Sociopath, Hypocrite, Bullshitter, Cold, Evil, Insane, Racist, Conspirator, Aggressive, Victim, Heartless, Klutz, Thief, Violent, Ringleader, Follower, Intelligent, Funny, Sarcastic, Ugly, Beautiful, Obnoxious, Abusive, Abused, Too Quiet, Too Loud, Afraid, Social Misfit, Outcast, Friendly, Confident, Worthless, Helpful, Compassionate, Loving, Hateful, Terd, Untrustworthy, Honest, Capable, has Integrity, Shit Starter, Deceptive, Imaginative, Stuck, Creative, Hard Working, Ethical, Animal Lover, Empathic, Psychic, Spiritual, Argumentative, Over-Achiever, Under-Achiever, Slut, Whore, Fake, Loyal, Nut Case, Screwed Up, Brilliant, Well Spoken, Intense, Educated, Loser, Uninhibited, Victorian Morals, Debater, Orator, Knowledgeable, Fearless, Fearful, Conceited, Humble, Grateful, Wrong, Judgmental, Lacks Integrity, Manipulative, Actress, Non-Feeling, Super Sensitive, Great Sense of Humor, Self-Deprecating, Self-Destructive, Insightful, Good Friend, Irrational, Emotional, Resentful, Forgiving, Dynamic, Unbending, Vengeful, Wise, Supportive, Blunt, Silly, Happy, Depressing, Inconsiderate, Caring, Generous, Stubborn, Objective, Good Listener, Great Advice Giver, Rude, Polite, Fast Learner, Compelling, Great Storyteller, Hopeful, Joyful, Pessimist, Genuine, Aware, Real, Helpful, Visionary, Passionate, Genuine, Angry, Over Confident, Hyper, Possessive, Jealous, Ambitious, Condescending, Arrogant, Hazardous, Wonderful, Cute, Sexy, Conniving, Ruthless, Harsh, Tender, Warm, Gentle, Assertive, Rash, Temperamental, Outspoken, Opinionated, Brash, Determined, Full of Life, Suicidal, Destructive, Healer, Soft Hearted, Kind, Wicked Tongue, Poet, Writer, Fighter, Solid, Fragile, Lovely, Always there for others, Selfish, Thoughtful, Soft, Hard, Eternal Teenager, Mystical, Magical, Logical, Sensible, Positive, Open-Minded, Negative, Close-Minded, Self-Centered, Protector, Advocate, Believer, Skilled, Methodical, Organized, Hot, Cool, Gorgeous, Wild, Pervert, Conflicted, Idealistic, Man-Hater, Man-Lover, Dyke, Great Tits, Hey You, Hey Mama, Hot Body, Scary, Sharp Tongued, Witty.”
He stopped me at “witty” with a loud “Ahem“.
“Sir, I am certain that my answer to your question is incomplete.”
“Ma’am, if you insist on being a smart-ass, I will gladly take you to a place where you can take all the time you need to complete your answer.”
Needless to say, I opted to give in and just tell him my name.(A.K.A. the “abridged” version of the answer.)
This situation got me thinking…
We are known by our given (or chosen) name.
However, when asked the question: “who are you?” Is providing our name, and nothing further a truthful, appropriate response?
Upon mental review, I have to say: No!
I tend to view life in a rather sarcastic, (some would say) cynical manner.
I have always enjoyed shocking people into reacting honestly (giving them no time to hide the way they really feel) with regard to something I have said or done. I get the biggest kick out of responding to something that is said or done in a literal way. This generally forces those who fall prey to my rather dry sense of humor into responding in an off the cuff, honest manner, but not always with kindness or understanding, or laughter (unfortunately).
Well, since I am here, writing my thoughts about this subject I figured I’d share with you all, Who I am literally. Perhaps, in this instance, I will shock myself??
The list above, is (I am sure) not a complete list, but is fairly accurate for all intents and purposes. I allowed the voices from my past to speak freely, the cacophony of their voices chaotic and confusing, having had their say, are now quiet.
As I have found throughout my life, the written word, to me is insight. An opportunity to use what I have learned; to heal, transform and grow.
When I read what has been so magically (through my hands) been set before me, I feel a bit like Alice going down the rabbit hole.
Mental diarrhea…I let the words run through me, I rarely edit what I shit out. I am healing. Today, I don’t dare take an “anti-diarrhea” drug to alleviate the symptoms, rather I am determined to get to the root cause of the shit once and for all, pull it out of the dark place within me, finally ending its reign of terror and destruction in my mind, heart and soul.
(Laughing out loud)
The observations of those whom have known me during my many incarnations in this life are what is written in the list above. Labeled by those who knew me when...All of them an accurate description of who I was at that time in my life.
It’s no wonder I’m so fucked up! A voice whispers as I continue to read.
As always, I am afforded the opportunity to escape this situation by a blessed distraction: The sound of my ringing telephone.
The voice whom whispered but a moment ago, now speaks quite clearly. Its timbre screams a strong demand: “Stop What You are Doing Now and Answer the Goddamn Phone!”
I breathe deeply, as the ringing continues. I feel restless. I breathe out, I reach for a cigarette open the pack, pull one from it, place it lovingly between my lips.I reach for my lighter “ Flick my Bic” (giggle) then take a deep pull, filling my lungs with my lifelong drug of choice. As I exhale, my hand reaches across the table to silence the annoying ringing of my phone.
I am tempted to look at the caller ID as I kill the power, yet (thankfully) feel that my situation is critical, and cannot be ignored today. I shut down the power to the phone, which in turn silences the voice. It Is Time! No distractions. I WILL Find the Cure!