Home….To some, the word “Home” has a very utliltarian meaning: 4 walls and a roof. A place to sleep. A place to keep their belongings…etc.
To me, Ziggy (The Dog), “Home” means so much more. “Home” = “Love” and all that comes with the true meaning of the word “Love”.
- Help, in times of need
- Self – Expression
..And so much more.
Home, is a feeling, at least to me, more so than a physical place. It is knowing that I will never be abandoned again. It gives me a sense of belonging, one that I never have to question.
There are times, when I fall back into my old dog eared ways of thinking…When I feel a tinge of fear, and allow that little fear to grow into a full blown delusion. When I succumb to my negative thoughts and begin to doubt myself, to question my self-worth, to look at MY humans and wonder what the hell they want with a dog like me.
I feel the shadow of my old self creep in to remind me of the life I led before they rescued me.
And sometimes, I begin to believe my crummy old thoughts…
The negative little bastards which I have not so affectionately given a name to…I call them: “Flibbages”.
Now just to clarify, I am of sound mind, and judgement…At least I believe I am, and that is what counts,right?
Well, then, let me tell you about “Flibbages”…They creep into my head, generally at times when I am a bit sad, or lacking confidence in my self. They are sneaky little bastards who are able to somehow find any little crack in my mental armor…They prey on anything that they find there, in my mind, that may be construed as a weakness.
It all starts quite innocently. I have a flash thought or memory, from my past, something that perhaps I have not yet resolved completely within myself. Something that I may feel shame, or guilt,or fear, or rage about, and have not taken the time to get to the root of yet.
Well, the “Flibbages” are always on the look-out for these opportunities, and use them as their personal doorways into my mind. They sneak in, unseen, and silently set about wreaking havoc on my psyche!
I have become much better about spotting them lately, before they are able to create too much chaos in my mind, but the thing that drives me batty, is that I still allow the creepy little bastards to get in at all!
I growl, I bark, and sometimes I whine when I realize that my thoughts have been infiltrated, yet again, by an army of “Flibbages”. I feel like a fool every time I come to the realization that the negative thoughts, irrational fears, self-destructiveness, and emotional confusion has once again, been created by the F*&ing “Flibbages”!
I have so much love these days…Love to give, and just plain love from everyone around me, I have a home, I am safe, and I am free to heal the wounds I suffered in the past…
However, I must remain forever vigilant against the “Flibbages”.
They would love nothing more than to return me to the bad places of my past…Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and spritually! Places I have vowed to never again visit, even for a moment…Places so far from “Home”.